Waiting. . .

So that week of waiting to get baby G's records has long since come and gone.  Once that week was up we were again told by our agency to wait.  Maybe it will be this month they told us.  Our agency assured us that they would call the orphanage and follow-up for us.  After many anxious days of waiting, breaking down in tears, praying, and crying out to the Lord in hope and expectation, we finally got a call from Lisa.  It was not good news.  She said that the orphanage had told her that they were told to hold the information, but gave no reason or time frame.  We have NO IDEA what is happening or why.  After this Adam and I both emotionally had a melt down.  We had just been SO HAPPY when we found out about baby G, and now we were in the pit with sorrow and grief.  This has been and still is a very emotional time for us and a very difficult time.  

We consider ourselves to be very strong believers, but when this happened I wondered how God could be in control.  Was this too far from His reach, but He told me that His "hand is not too short to save" (Isaiah 59:1).  And then I reasoned that if He could control this and was just choosing not to then how could He be good.  But He reminded me even if He never did another thing for me that He had already shown me far more mercy than I ever had deserved by hanging on the cross for me.  I then argued that He had had called us to this adventure, and if He was going to ask us to do something like this why wouldn't everything work out nice, neat, and speedily.  He reminded me of others He had called like Jeremiah, Hosea, Paul, Stephen, and many others.  The life He called them to was not easy or free of problems, in fact their lives became harder when they chose to obey the call.  The Lord has asked us to just be still wait upon him (Psalm 37:7).  

                                 

We don't know what we are waiting for or why, but what else can we do.  So, we are waiting on Him.  We are not good at waiting.  This is a time of learning and growing for us and it is not fun or comfortable.  My heart has ached and felt so broken much of the time.  Tears are streaming down our faces much of time.  But we are looking to Him and waiting to see His hand move at the time He chooses.  However, I must say that Adam has been such a great support and encourager through all of this.  Even though he is hurting too, when I lose hope and fall apart he is right there to pick me up and help me keep going.  He is such a great blessing in my life and I don't know what I would ever do without him.  The Lord has blessed me with such an incredible gift that I DO NOT take for granted.  It reminds me that if He would give me such a wonderful husband, that He must have awesome kids for us too.

One thing I have prayed over G, even before I know her name, was that the Lord would send her guardian angel to watch over and protect her (Matthew 18:10).   Tonight I found this Willow Tree that is called Guardian Angel.  The second I saw it I knew it represented G and the stage we are in right now while we wait.  Adam bought it and we have it displayed to remind us that the Lord is watching over and caring for our baby G while we wait for her.

The Kari Jobe song "Be Still" has been my theme song during this walk.  Enjoy!

For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; NO GOOD THING DOES HE WITHHOLD FROM THOSE WHOSE WALK IS BLAMELESS.  Psalm 87:4