God is fighting for us, pushing back the darkness - Darlene Zschech

Letting go. . .

Yesterday we got the news that Baby G has been referred to another family.  This entire process of accepting her, and then discovering that we may not get her, and then almost 2 full months later finding out that she won't be coming to our home has been emotionally draining.  We had such joy and were so ready to make her our daughter.  We became emotionally attached to her and loved her, despite never meeting her.  We prayed, fasted, cried lots of tears, dreamed, and experienced lots of joy because of Baby G.  This is much like a miscarriage.  Losing her is hard.  However, we do have the joy of knowing she is going to a home where she will no longer be an orphan.  We hope and pray this is a very good home.

                         

In our sorrow we were reminded that we are adopting because orphans need a home and we want to provide that home; not because we need to be parents, although we do desire and anticipate that.  If she is getting a good home we have nothing to be sad about.  She is getting exactly what we want her to have.  In our hearts we have planned for her and loved her.  Maybe we will meet her in heaven someday.
                                                          
As for us, we will go back to the top of our agency's waiting list for another child or children who do still need a mom and dad.  The Lord will place the children who need us in our home and we will love them and be just as excited about them.  We do know that there are plenty of children who need homes and we will successfully be a loving home for someone/them.  We look forward to that!
                                        
I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.  Jeremiah 31:13b

Waiting. . .

So that week of waiting to get baby G's records has long since come and gone.  Once that week was up we were again told by our agency to wait.  Maybe it will be this month they told us.  Our agency assured us that they would call the orphanage and follow-up for us.  After many anxious days of waiting, breaking down in tears, praying, and crying out to the Lord in hope and expectation, we finally got a call from Lisa.  It was not good news.  She said that the orphanage had told her that they were told to hold the information, but gave no reason or time frame.  We have NO IDEA what is happening or why.  After this Adam and I both emotionally had a melt down.  We had just been SO HAPPY when we found out about baby G, and now we were in the pit with sorrow and grief.  This has been and still is a very emotional time for us and a very difficult time.  

We consider ourselves to be very strong believers, but when this happened I wondered how God could be in control.  Was this too far from His reach, but He told me that His "hand is not too short to save" (Isaiah 59:1).  And then I reasoned that if He could control this and was just choosing not to then how could He be good.  But He reminded me even if He never did another thing for me that He had already shown me far more mercy than I ever had deserved by hanging on the cross for me.  I then argued that He had had called us to this adventure, and if He was going to ask us to do something like this why wouldn't everything work out nice, neat, and speedily.  He reminded me of others He had called like Jeremiah, Hosea, Paul, Stephen, and many others.  The life He called them to was not easy or free of problems, in fact their lives became harder when they chose to obey the call.  The Lord has asked us to just be still wait upon him (Psalm 37:7).  

                                 

We don't know what we are waiting for or why, but what else can we do.  So, we are waiting on Him.  We are not good at waiting.  This is a time of learning and growing for us and it is not fun or comfortable.  My heart has ached and felt so broken much of the time.  Tears are streaming down our faces much of time.  But we are looking to Him and waiting to see His hand move at the time He chooses.  However, I must say that Adam has been such a great support and encourager through all of this.  Even though he is hurting too, when I lose hope and fall apart he is right there to pick me up and help me keep going.  He is such a great blessing in my life and I don't know what I would ever do without him.  The Lord has blessed me with such an incredible gift that I DO NOT take for granted.  It reminds me that if He would give me such a wonderful husband, that He must have awesome kids for us too.

One thing I have prayed over G, even before I know her name, was that the Lord would send her guardian angel to watch over and protect her (Matthew 18:10).   Tonight I found this Willow Tree that is called Guardian Angel.  The second I saw it I knew it represented G and the stage we are in right now while we wait.  Adam bought it and we have it displayed to remind us that the Lord is watching over and caring for our baby G while we wait for her.

The Kari Jobe song "Be Still" has been my theme song during this walk.  Enjoy!

For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; NO GOOD THING DOES HE WITHHOLD FROM THOSE WHOSE WALK IS BLAMELESS.  Psalm 87:4

I-800 A Immigration Approval

February 25, 2014

Finally, after being turned away on our last 2 attempts at completing our I-800 A appointment in Des Moines due to extremely cold temperatures and snow, we have successfully completed this process.  Since we had just received our referral 5 days earlier for our precious baby G we were SUPER excited about this appointment because it felt like we were actually DOING something to move the process along.  We asked some nice girls in the sky walk to snap our picture after our fingerprinting.  

 

Also, it is special that this is also Adam's birthday.  We went to Cheesecake Factory to celebrate Adam's birthday and this step in our process.  Ummm....I have to admit that at the mall we decided to use one of the expectant mothers parking places because, after all, we ARE expecting!  We were so excited about expecting that we decided to take a picture of the parking spot.  You may be thinking all sorts of things about this, but it is the little bits of faith and hope that are getting us through this process. For us, even parking there was an act of faith that we ARE INDEED EXPECTING.  

We walked around in the mall and found the cutest birthday outfit for baby G in Dillard's.  She just had her first birthday, so I broke down in tears in the store and we had to leave.  All I could think about was how sad I was that we missed being with her on her birthday.  I feel that this is the hardest part of international adoption - we miss out on so many important months and even years with our children because the process is too long.  On the way home we decided to stop at another mall and Adam found a cute pair of P.J.'s with princess crowns on them and we bought them for her.  It is the first thing he has actually picked out by himself for her, so someday that will be special for her to know.  Lisa told us we should have her medical information and picture within 1 week of February 20th (when she called us about G) and we are nearing the end of a week of waiting and very anxious for this to come.

 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.  Psalm 32:8